I Heart Bratwurst

Ok, so some of you might be thinking, but too afraid to ask me because you are weak and lack fortitude, "Oh hey Carlin, where should I go to get some mighty fine Brats in this here town?" Well fellas, don't you worry. It's amazing we live in a city where there is no real cultural conformity. This here country ain't no melting pot, it's like chopped salad, diverse. SO, where can we go to find a nice brat to satisfy our craving? Well, thats at 800 E 3rd street at the WURSTKUCHE. It is a small German sausage kitchen that cooks copious amounts of brats of all kinds. Just head in and do not falter with your order. You got to get that german brat, with the kraut, and the onions. GOD HELP YOU IF YOU DO NOT ORDER THOSE KRAUT AND ONIONS. Any free thinking, proud german would look down upon your bland, tasteless, vapid order, as pathetic. If you are going to eat your brat by its self, just don't come. Don't be a pansy and cower in your order, or give the cashier some excuse like "oh herp derp i dont like dem onions," seriously, stop it and grow up. Now, with that brat, you're going to want to purchase some Belgium fries, these are divine. Now you can get any dip with those fries, but my favorite is the curry ketchup. Its like the irrepressible deliciousness of ketchup with fries, but now with 50 megaton curry warhead attached heading at 2 times the speed of sound at your taste buds. Think Chernobyl but 30 years later your taste buds are destroyed not by massive amounts of radiation, but massive amounts of deliciousness making all food taste like fedex cardboard boxes. Now, once you have ordered your fries and brat, select your beverage of choice, Beer or Beer. There is a plethora of beer of to choose from, but you see, its a tease, you can't have any of it, kind of like a Victoria's secret fashion show, but more tantalizing due to its proximity. SO what do we do, we compromise like any good German, (am i right or am i right) and we select from one of the many overpriced imported Soda's. Talk about a vicious circle ey. Now wash your hands. When you select your table, you have a choice of sitting at a communal bench like setting in the middle or small 2-3 person tables around the side. This gives you the option of being extra super duper social in your bratwurst exploits, or have a nice quiet lunch with your brethren or wenches. Once you have waited and drank a sufficient amount of imported soda, your food will be brought and served to your table upon metal platters that make it appear you are receiving the ambrosia of the gods, a gift from Zeus him self. Wait, do not attempt to eat just yet, you must honor the brat. Before it is worthy of your stomach, it must be baptized in a ritual pouring of spicy German mustard. It is the final, and it is the most important ingredient. Without it, your brat is cursed, it does not have the blessing of safe passage through your digestive system. Eating a brat with out mustard is like a ferrari with no driver, Cheech with no Chong, herp with no derp, egg's benedict with no hollandaise sauce. When the brat is Komplete, now it is time to eat. NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM, YOUR DONE??? Well now, Thats just the first step. A german brat is merely the most basic brat you can achieve. This next suggestion is not for the weak of heart, but suppose one was feeling a bit, adventurous, there are many exotic sausages to choose from. Duck, snake, rabbit, bore, elk, thawed mammoth, vegi, polish, endangered arctic wolf, kangaroo etc... Moreover, conformity is necessary in what you order with your bratwurst because of strict social pressures that force the individual to adhere to a predetermined normality that if not strictly complied with, would result in ultimate destruction of the said individuals purpose and existence.